Working with the Body in Meditation Practice

Just ordered Reggie Ray's, "Your Breathing Body- volume 1" and am totally excited about delving in and practicing what he teaches.  I am currently doing a meditation called 

Sublime- the paintings of Agnes Martin

Just finished reading an essay by Yvonne Rand titled,  "Seeing".  In it she describes spending an hour with an Agnes Martin painting.  I surfed around looking at photos of Martin's paintings and longing to spend my own hour with her works, even one of them.  For now I must content myself with the energy generated by seeing photos into aliveness in the mind's eye and experiencing the sensations in the body.  The word that comes to mind is sublime.  I'll rest in that one. 

Some years ago I saw a Martin work in the San Francisco MOMA.  Spent a good part of the day there with my ex-husband John whose name I kept because it was more interesting and romantic than either my maiden name or my first husband's name.  Seeing art, watching movies and good television,  and listening to music was more fulfilling than being married to him, bless his heart.  

I realized I didn't have to be married to the man to enjoy a conversation with him which is where we started- having stimulating conversations in a retreat center kitchen while I prepared lunch for the staff of twelve and he ate his breakfast at the big wooden prep table.

Writing this while listening to Beth Orton- I love her voice and musical sensibilities.

Need to stop while I can still type a sentence.

"fixing as a way to keep myself from experiencing my own vulnerability"

Just read these words in a forum thread on Unfettered Mind.  I spent the past two weeks with family. The first week leading up to my mother's surgery with my three sisters and one brother and two spouses in attendance and the second with just my mother as I was the designated caregiver for her recovery.

Being a caregiver- attempting to prevent suffering, alleviate it if that isn't possible, and then to fix it after it has already arisen so that the person involved feels better and knows that I was the bringer of comfort- all of this is designed to keep me from having to feel helplessness, vulnerability, regret, inadequacy, and a host of other uncomfortable emotions. 

Awareness as refuge...

In my practice I am looking deeply into what constitutes refuge in my life.  Shining a light into this area is somewhat unnerving because I can see clearly that my conscious intention and my unconscious behaviors are not simpatico at present.  As much as I want to believe that daily meditation, writing, and embodiment practices are the truest statement of where I go for refuge, I can't deny that on an immediate experiential level, when I struggle, I eat and look for other distractions to escape the body discomfort, the feelings and emotions and perhaps most of all, the elaborate stories that I tell myself about what is going on.

Last:fm

"Things are not what they seem.  Nor are they otherwise."